How to introduce “Truth In Romance Day” to your mate

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Everyone is entitled to truth in romance, but some folks simply don’t comply. They think their wants are more relevant than yours, and don’t grasp how much you care about protecting your personal autonomy.

Truth in Romance Day is designed to give you the support you need in order to satisfy your concerns and protect yourself. A day in which people are expected to share information will help you begin the conversation. If you’re newly in a relationship, and have yet to see the other person’s identification, here’s how you could introduce this concept…

You-

conversationI just saw a great idea for people, like us, who are newly together. It’s called “Truth in Romance Day.” What do you think about people who lie to others to engage them in a relationship?

Your mate-

They’re really heels! I’d never do that to you!

You-

That’s great! I was hoping you’d feel that way! Is there anything that concerns you about what I’ve told you about myself, because I’m happy to show you proof?

Your mate-

Nope, I think you’ve been totally honest with me.

You-

Excellent, because June 15th is the day when romantic partners all around the world are going to be sharing their personal identification with each other and I know we’ll have no problem doing that!

Up to this point, it’s been pretty easy sailing, right? But here are the many responses you can expect…..

Your mate-

That’s a stupid idea and I’m amazed you’d expect me to do that!

disagreeOoops…. wrong answer! You’ve probably seen your first sign of deceit. You’ve offered a mutual sharing, not just an expectation of compliance.  Resistance is probably a cover-up for distortion of some kind that their ID would uncover.

Your mate-

I really don’t think we’re at a point where I want to share that information with you.

If you’ve had sex with this person, they’re basically saying that it’s “just sex” and there’s no intimacy or relationship behind it. Better that you get the lay of the land today than build false hopes! Do you really want to continue sharing your body with someone under this circumstance?

Your mate-

“It’s that stupid, feminist agenda. You’re not a “feminazi” are you?”

Belittling is a technique that morally bereft folks use to manipulate others. They engage in put-downs and name calling to throw you off track.

Really, if the person’s been honest with you and you have the basis of a loving foundation, there is no reason why they wouldn’t want to share their ID with you, or show you proof of any other issues that concern you.

Here’s the answer that reflects a pure heart…

Your mate-

I’m so happy we’ve found each other and I’m honored you’ve chosen me to share with. I care about you and will do whatever it takes to build your trust.

You-

buble bathThat’s fabulous because the reward for sharing is a bubble bath for two, and I’m really looking forward to it! I’ll bring the bubbles. How ’bout if you bring the champagne?

 

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6 thoughts on “How to introduce “Truth In Romance Day” to your mate”

  1. Dotty Doo has is right, Observing behaviour, watch with a microscope, keep a journal of significant events or “excuses” (i.e.: Excuses not to visit their apartment – this one got me – too trusting I was). Keeping a journal allows you to correlate and ask for feedback from trusted friends. The journal also serves as reality check for yourself, is their behaviour consistent? Do “reasons” or “excuses” change over time. If they travel offer to drive them to the airport for a last minute get together before they leave. So many “things” I would do differently, question their credibility in every behaviour they present, watch for clues. Being paranoid & suspicious is good. Why? If you were taken advantage of or defrauded of love once, chances are you have traits in your behaviour that makes you a target. That’s how the first one got past your (and my) defenses, don’t let it happen again. Great advice from AB Admin as well. Read about these profiles, become fluent in the signs to look for, don’t trust your instincts, use rationale, not emotion. As AB says, they aren’t reliable when the Oxytocin starts flowing.

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    1. Care4

      Until you’ve escaped the fire, you may not recognize that the person you’re dating as an incendiary device. Once burned, a survivor becomes far more circumspect.

      The point of “Truth in Romance Day” is not simply to catch offenders in the act, but also to raise awareness that the problem exists.

      Thanks for your contribution!

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  2. I’m reading a book called “Dangerous Personalities” by Joe Navarro, a former FBI profiler. The author says people should do their due diligence and spend more time getting to know the person they’re dating than they do ‘choosing a new appliance.’ He says to make sure their personal information checks out — where they say they grew up and went to school, where they work, if they were married before, etc.

    The whole book so far is really great (I’m about 3/4 through). He divides dangerous people into four categories: Narcissistic, Paranoid, Unstable, and Predators. He gives loads of examples of each one and checklists to identify them, and each checklist has over 100 items!
    I think everyone should read it. Of course no one will scare you quite like an FBI profiler can, but it’s good when we get complacent.

    If you want to elevate things to a whole new level of paranoia, read “Dangerous Instincts” by Mary Ellen O’toole, another profiler. She does her due diligence on ANYONE who comes into her life or her house. There’s a good section on dating, and specifically internet dating. The premise of her book is NOT to trust or rely on your ‘gut instincts,’ because they aren’t reliable and they’re the first thing a predator will disarm.

    Be careful out there, everyone, and Do your Due Diligence!

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  3. It’s a great idea, but only suited to possibly rooting out those who are merely jerks, players or cheaters. This wouldn’t stop most dangerous persons, such as psychopaths. The one who caught me had no criminal record and marriage records are not public in this jurisdiction. It would have merely been another way for him to gain my trust, I’m afraid. Nothing takes the place of observing someone’s character over time. Until then, no bubble baths.

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    1. Rooting out jerks, players and cheaters is a good start, don’t you think? Lots of people would be spared defilement if those were the only offenders who were caught in the act.

      Nothing will stop the most dangerous psychopath. They’ll simply use a fake ID. But doing so will certainly meet the criteria for sexual assault by fraud if the law were adopted in any state.

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