Comparing rape by fraud with date rape- Rochelle’s CAD Tale

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Disguise the drink, or disguise the character…. both manipulate and undermine self-determination

A commentor I’ll call Rochelle left this heartfelt post. It’s a clear indication of the harm in rape by fraud that comes directly from the mouth of a woman who’d previously been date raped, a form of the crime we readily recognize in today’s penal codes throughout the world.

I’m frequently told that to consider tricking a person into sex as a form of “sexual assault” is an insult toward victims of violent or date rape. 

Here’s the view of a person who experienced both date rape and rape by fraud:

“I’m glad I came across this site. I am a rape victim. I was drugged and raped years ago and have since, moved on and married. Sadly, my marriage ended in divorce. During my separation, I didn’t realize how vulnerable I was. I met someone through a job I worked on. We did a project together and became close. I was going through a hard time in my life and this guy came along and he seemed great.

He turned on the charm and I liked him a lot. He told me all these wonderful things and I fell for him. Unfortunately, everything he told me was a lie.

I didn’t realize what I was dealing with until months later. I am now divorced. He said we would be together, etc., and none of that happened. He ultimately dumped me after our first and only sexual experience together.

His excuse was that he didn’t want to be a “rebound.” He said he was scared. He said that once my divorce was finalized that we would be together. I believed him. He said he wanted to be with me, but that he was scared for me and that he wanted the divorce to go through. My husband was cheating on me and was out of my life. I was a good and faithful wife prior to our separation. My husband ultimately left me; though it was I who asked for the divorce because I thought it would be best.

“You were asking for it”

Anyway, once I was divorced, that other guy changed his story. When I saw him in person (not a planned meeting), he seemed upset and when I told him I loved him, he laughed at me. It was not the first time I told him that, but it was the first time he laughed at me. I felt humiliated. He said “you were asking for it!” He said that after I told him, that I had only slept with three people, and that he was the third.

He pursued me for months, knew I was going through a hard time, pretended to like me, told me he was falling for me, that he wanted to be with me, that we would be together after everything, and the whole time he didn’t mean any of it. He just used me. He changed immediately after sex. What I don’t understand, is that he didn’t have to drag it out the way he did. If he had dumped me after sex and just said I don’t think it’s going to work–have a nice life, I would have been upset. But to drag it out the way he did; it just added insult to injury.

I have been raped in the past and this latest experience felt eerily the same. I felt like his drug of choice was lies. I actually feel worse now than how I felt years ago. At least the other guy who raped me, didn’t lead me on for months and physically laugh a me.

“I don’t feel whole anymore.”

Neither the guy/s who drugged me and raped me nor the liar I recently met, have been charged. Each has gotten away with taking pieces of me. I don’t feel whole anymore. I’ve made peace with what happened to me years ago, but this recent incident is hard to process.

What that guy did was so cold and brutal. I’d like to call what he did “mental murder,” because he destroyed something in me far worse than the one/s who drugged me. That guy robbed me of my trust, my body, my heart, and my time. What he did felt like rape. It feels like rape. It’s as devastating as rape. To me it is rape. He pretended to like me, care for me, and he worked his way into my life and heart, to gain my trust solely for the purpose of sex. He was calculated, cold, deceitful and manipulative. Sadly, I don’t think I’ll be his last victim.”

Erin Pizzey, renowned for her staunch support of women who suffered abuse, who created women’s refuge shelters in Canada and the US, calls abusive, defiling behavior, “Soul Murder.” You can see more of her comments in a recent indiegogo documentary, I Would Swim Across the Ocean to Be with You, aimed at bringing this heinous crime to light.

If you believe sexual assault by fraud should be outlawed, please support the documentary and other efforts to raise awareness such as Carnal Abuse by DeceitRead it. Discuss it with your family and friends, and please provide an Amazon review. It’s important! It can change the worlds perception of rape.

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7 thoughts on “Comparing rape by fraud with date rape- Rochelle’s CAD Tale”

  1. That is a really good post and shows exactly what victims feel once they discover everything was a lie….. It is devastating! Once they accomplish what they set out to do they turn cold as ice. My predator said and I quote “Did you really think you could find the man of your dreams on a web site”. It is soul murder! Great article, Joyce!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great work Joyce, keep on exposing them. Your work has helped me dramatically, way better than even a year ago. Once you understand the dark side of the predator, you understand you did nothing wrong, except being a caring, giving person. And there is NOTHING wrong with that, except, understand you will be a target 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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