I’d love to hear Olympic Gold Medalist Caitlyn Jenner’s take on transgender disclosure to sexual partners. Due to all the press she’s received, it’s unlikely that a person she engages in sex with would be unaware of her gender of origin. None-the-less, by her publicly supporting disclosure, she could help minimize the fear that transgendering creates in society.
Two consenting adults can do just about anything, but the operative word is “consenting.” Sex without disclosing what sex you actually are is not “consensual.”
I received this message from a reader named Alex:
I liked your book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit”. It’s great that you are bringing awareness to the fact that sex by deception is rape.
Unfortunately, you missed the most obvious example of carnal abuse by deceit. That involves transgenders or transsexuals. I have heard stories of men who had sex with an alleged woman, only to find out afterwards that it was really a man who had a sex-change operation. So a straight man was tricked into having gay sex. That is clearly rape by fraud in the first degree. Imagine how the man must feel. It is psychologically traumatizing.
But wait! It gets worse. I have also heard stories of men who thought they married the woman of their dreams, only to find out years later that they were married to a transsexual and didn’t know it. That’s right, a man married a man and didn’t know it! How does the man feel when the love of his life turns out to be a man? “Betrayal” would be an understatement here. I don’t think there are words in any language to describe the psychological torment that the man will suffer for the rest of his life.
But wait! It still gets worse. I have heard stories of men who unknowingly married a transsexual and went to their graves without ever learning the truth. That is even worse because they never even began the healing process. This is physical rape, psychological rape, and betrayal of the worst kind. Since there was no chance for the man to resolve this before his death, he must carry this deception with him into the afterlife, and into his Judgement Day. It is for that reason that I would consider it “spiritual rape”.
I rarely hear any talk about this, but with transgendering becoming so common nowadays, it’s bound to happen more and more. Transgenders should be required to disclose their trans status to the other party immediately if there is the slightest chance of a romantic or erotic encounter. Failure to do so is rape. It shows the same lack of moral compass you talked about in your book. The transgenders in these cases care only about themselves, with no regard at all for the suffering they cause to others.
It would be great if more people would talk about the trans issue. With the recent explosion in the transgender population, this is something that will have to be dealt with. In the UK, they have the Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC). It is required for transgenders to get married. It means they must disclose to their spouse that they are transgender. It is shocking that the trans lobby is actually fighting this. How could they marry someone without disclosing that they are trans? It shows zero respect for the other person. That is a classic example of psychological rape, as well as rape by deceit.
Thanks for your help on this.
In business, in schooling, in housing, licensing, and a host of other one-sided benefits, a transgender person should not be deprived. And doing so is a blatant act of discrimination. But when it comes to sex, there are two people who have rights. And to the sexual partner of someone who is transgender, the person’s sex of origin can be critical to their decision.
Determining who to have sex with is purely a private and personal matter that’s up to each individual. If it weren’t, everyone would be required to have sex with everyone else who wants to have sex with them. We all know that’s not how it works.
What may seem shallow to some people is of utmost importance to others, including wealth, status, religion and age. You can tell me those selection criteria are shallow and discriminatory ’til you’re blue in the face, but it’s still the innate prerogative of the person to make a choice when it comes to who to have sex with.
Gay or trans panic defense
Is killing a rapist legal? No it’s not. And for that reason, I support CA Governor Jerry Brown’s repeal of the defense that enabled offenders who murdered non-disclosing (treacherous) trans and gay lovers to wiggle off the hook. The defense is based on the concept that the act is so offensive that it causes a psychotic break with uncommon violence.
But let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water! To many men. having sex with someone of their own sex is a defiling abomination, not an offense a person has a right to subject them to. They feel sexually violated, and with good reason! The same holds true of women. Just ask the victim of Gayle Newland in the UK who was convicted of rape by deception for pretending to be a man in order to engage in sex with her.
While it should never be okay to murder someone, it should not be okay to rape someone either, and the transgender person who falsifies their actual gender should be held accountable for their misdeed. Any state that wants to follow California’s nullification of the gay or trans panic defense should first enact a sexual assault by fraud law to protect the public.
It’s your body!
I truly feel for people who struggle to cope with having been born in “the wrong body.” And I applaud modern medicine for making anatomical changes available in today’s world. While the transition is less than perfect, it’s a relief and a privilege that doesn’t entitle the person to treacherously deceive others. You don’t get to fool people in order to have sex with them.
If telling the person that you were not born an anatomical woman drives them away, that’s their right. You are not entitled to have sex with someone when their entire basis of having sex with you is fabricated. Find someone else who accepts you as you are.
No one finds universal acceptance in this world. And that holds true whether they’re straight, gay or transgender. There are things about each of us that rule us out when it comes to our desirability in the eyes of others. That’s human nature, not discrimination.
I hope Alex will be happy to know that this and all types of romance scams would be covered by the language of Catfish law.
Addendum: A very interesting discussion on this topic is taking place on this link.
© Joyce M. Short, All rights reserved