LGBT- Transgender Disclosure and Rape by Fraud


#CaitlynJenner and #rapebyfraud laws
Will Caitlyn Jenner support transgender disclosure?

I’d love to hear Olympic Gold Medalist Caitlyn Jenner’s take on transgender disclosure to sexual partners. Due to all the press she’s received, it’s unlikely that a person she engages in sex with would be unaware of her gender of origin. None-the-less, by her publicly supporting disclosure, she could help minimize the fear that transgendering creates in society.

Two consenting adults can do just about anything, but the operative word is “consenting.” Sex without disclosing what sex you actually are is not “consensual.”

I received this message from a reader named Alex:

Hi Joyce,

     I liked your  book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit”. It’s great that you are bringing awareness to the fact that sex by deception is rape.

     Unfortunately, you missed the most obvious example of carnal abuse by deceit. That involves transgenders or transsexuals. I have heard stories of men who had sex with an alleged woman, only to find out afterwards that it was really a man who had a sex-change operation. So a straight man was tricked into having gay sex. That is clearly rape by fraud in the first degree. Imagine how the man must feel. It is psychologically traumatizing.

    But wait! It gets worse. I have also heard stories of men who thought they married the woman of their dreams, only to find out years later that they were married to a transsexual and didn’t know it. That’s right, a man married a man and didn’t know it! How does the man feel when the love of his life turns out to be a man? “Betrayal” would be an understatement here. I don’t think there are words in any language to describe the psychological torment that the man will suffer for the rest of his life.

     But wait! It still gets worse. I have heard stories of men who unknowingly married a transsexual and went to their graves without ever learning the truth. That is even worse because they never even began the healing process. This is physical rape, psychological rape, and betrayal of the worst kind. Since there was no chance for the man to resolve this before his death, he must carry this deception with him into the afterlife, and into his Judgement Day. It is for that reason that I would consider it “spiritual rape”.

    I rarely hear any talk about this, but with transgendering becoming so common nowadays, it’s bound to happen more and more. Transgenders should be required to disclose their trans status to the other party immediately if there is the slightest chance of a romantic or erotic encounter. Failure to do so is rape. It shows the same lack of moral compass you talked about in your book. The transgenders in these cases care only about themselves, with no regard at all for the suffering they cause to others. 

      It would be great if more people would talk about the trans issue. With the recent explosion in the transgender population, this is something that will have to be dealt with. In the UK, they have the Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC). It is required for transgenders to get married. It means they must disclose to their spouse that they are transgender. It is shocking that the trans lobby is actually fighting this. How could they marry someone without disclosing that they are trans? It shows zero respect for the other person. That is a classic example of psychological rape, as well as rape by deceit.

    Thanks for your help on this.

Transgender2I understand Alex’s point and wholeheartedly agree with him that people who are transgender should be required to enlighten their sexual partner BEFORE engaging in sex.

In business, in schooling, in housing, licensing, and a host of other one-sided benefits, a transgender person should not be deprived. And doing so is a blatant act of discrimination. But when it comes to sex, there are two people who have rights. And to the sexual partner of someone who is transgender, the person’s sex of origin can be critical to their decision.

Determining who to have sex with is purely a private and personal matter that’s up to each individual. If it weren’t, everyone would be required to have sex with  everyone else who wants to have sex with them. We all know that’s not how it works.

What may seem shallow to some people is of utmost importance to others, including wealth, status, religion and age. You can tell me those selection criteria are shallow and discriminatory ’til you’re blue in the face, but it’s still the innate prerogative of the person to make a choice when it comes to who to have sex with.

Gay or trans panic defense

Is killing a rapist legal? No it’s not. And for that reason, I support CA Governor Jerry Brown’s repeal of the defense that enabled offenders who murdered non-disclosing (treacherous) trans and gay lovers to wiggle off the hook.  The defense is based on the concept that the act is so offensive that it causes a psychotic break with uncommon violence.

But let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water! To many men. having sex with someone of their own sex is a defiling abomination, not an offense a person has a right to subject them to. They feel sexually violated, and with good reason! The same holds true of women. Just ask the victim of Gayle Newland in the UK who was convicted of rape by deception for pretending to be a man in order to engage in sex with her.

While it should never be okay to murder someone, it should not be okay to rape someone either, and the transgender person who falsifies their actual gender should be held accountable for their misdeed. Any state that wants to follow California’s nullification of the gay or trans panic defense should first enact a sexual assault by fraud law to protect the public.

It’s your body!

I truly feel for people who struggle to cope with having been born in “the wrong body.”  And I applaud modern medicine for making anatomical changes available in today’s world. While the transition is less than perfect, it’s a relief and a privilege that doesn’t entitle the person to treacherously deceive others. You don’t get to fool people in order to have sex with them.

If telling the person that you were not born an anatomical woman drives them away, that’s their right. You are not entitled to have sex with someone when their  entire basis of having sex with you is fabricated. Find someone else who accepts you as you are.

No one finds universal acceptance in this world. And that holds true whether they’re straight, gay or transgender. There are things about each of us that rule us out when it comes to our desirability in the eyes of others. That’s human nature, not discrimination.

I hope Alex will be happy to know that this and all types of romance scams would be covered by the language of Catfish law.


Addendum: A very interesting discussion on this topic is taking place on this  link.


© Joyce M. Short, All rights reserved


9 thoughts on “LGBT- Transgender Disclosure and Rape by Fraud”

  1. You’re working very hard to continue the narrative that trans people are deceivers and rapists and are not really who they say they are, exactly the narrative that is used to justify their harassment, abuse, and murder. The extreme danger to trans people is exactly why it’s so difficult for some to disclose to someone new.

    While I agree that it’s really important that trans people *should* disclose to partners as soon as possible, mostly that’s because of the possible danger, and because I don’t think trans people should get stuck with people who would hate them. Most trans people these days either disclose immediately before dating, or carefully gauge the other person’s possible reaction conversationally before disclosing (for their own safety from being murdered), but do disclose before sex, or at the latest before getting into a continued sexual relationship. It’s smart to bring it up pretty early, regardless of the law’s opinion.

    I don’t think they’re rapists for trying to engage in a normal sex life as their authentic selves and leaving their painful past behind them, and I don’t think the law should require them to disclose their birth sex any more than it should require anyone to go into any other particulars of their medical history (with the possible exception of STD status).

    Let me give you an example: if you REALLY don’t want to date someone who was born with six fingers on one hand that’s absolutely your right like you say, to choose who you have sex with and no one can say what is “shallow and discriminatory” about your choice of partners – like you say. But does that mean someone who had an extra finger removed as a baby is a RAPIST because they didn’t tell you they had a finger removed, before having sex with you? You felt strongly about some quality of their birth and they didn’t disclose it to you so… by your logic they have raped you?

    How about something more directly related to sex: What if you felt very strongly that you REALLY didn’t want to have sex with someone who had been sexually abused as a child (maybe because you were suffering from trauma of your own past abuse, or because having sex with an abuse victim would make you feel like you had contributed to suffering – but in any case would horrify you deeply)? It’s your right to decide that, certainly! And as you said, your criteria are your choice and no one can tell you they’re too shallow or discriminatory, right? If a person had sex with you without disclosing their abuse history, by your logic wouldn’t they be a RAPIST just because they didn’t disclose something in their past that would be important to you? Would you fight to get a disclosure law for that?

    Maybe if they have a mental illness? Or an abusive alcoholic parent (such that you would worry they’d become an abusive alcoholic parent and would prefer to stay away from having sex and possibly having kids with them)? Or they had a parent of a different race that could affect the ethnicity of a child resulting from the union – some people do feel VERY strongly about race, so is your partner a rapist just because they didn’t mention they had a black father and didn’t know you were a racist? (I’m not calling you a racist, I’m just giving hypothetical examples using the same logic you are using, with different base conditions)

    Or maybe if you have a particular requirement that would be SO VERY important to you that you would consider them a RAPIST, you need to make that clear before sex so that the person can disclose if they meet or fail to meet that particular requirement – and they are not a rapist for not guessing which things out of their past would upset you. “It takes two to tango” as they say.

    For a trans woman to say she is “really a man” would be a lie, every fiber in her being would tell her that is a lie – THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT. They are not becoming *false* by transitioning, they are becoming *true*. Whether you agree with them about their own identity, that doesn’t give you a legal right to define it – that right is their own, and they have never been truer to themselves or lived more authentically to their identity than when they have transitioned. That’s not “misleading” anyone.

    Saying a transgender woman is “really a man”, and that they are raping people by lying about their identity shows where you currently stand on this issue, and it’s not on the side of the law, psychology, or trans people’s rights or humanity. I understand this issue is new to a lot of people, but I would invite you to educate yourself on the perspective and experience of trans people themselves, and not on the fundamentalist screeds of reactionary transphobes.

    And Caitlyn Jenner is a reality TV dumbass. No trans person I know wants her speaking for them. Maybe listen to the charming and funny Laverne Cox instead, or some older authors like Kate Bornstein or Julia Serano (your mileage may vary with any one person speaking for an entire demographic of people of course).

    I apologize for being brusque and confrontational, but several of my closest friends (and several past lovers) are trans and I’m tired of seeing such kind, wonderful people demonized and criminalized with such harsh accusations… but not nearly as tired as they are, I’m sure.


    1. Balderdash!

      You are agreeing with what I said and disagreeing with it at the same time.

      This is truly absurd!

      Sex is about sex. Your sex matters in sex. To think otherwise is ridiculous.

      I am neither demonizing, criminalizing, nor making harsh accusations, nor am I “adding to the narrative that trans people are deceivers and rapists.”

      Only trans people who are deceivers and rapists are deceivers and rapists, just like only non-trans people who are deceivers and rapists are deceivers and rapists.

      Not everyone who states the word “transgender” in an article, is putting them down or throwing inflammatory stones.

      Transgender people live in a world with other people. And those other people have rights, just like they do. The person they chose to have sex with is as entitled to fully informed consent over their reproductive organs just as they are. Consent requires being fully informed and knowledgeable. Agreement without knowledge and information is not consent, it’s assent. Consent, not assent, is required in sexual relations.

      It is not okay for a transgender person to impose their values on someone else. The only way they will know if it’s okay with the other person is to have that discussion BEFORE they have sex with them. No one should have sex with another person by denying them their right to consent.


      1. I said it’s a good idea to disclose, because of the potential danger to them.

        Did you even read anything I said? If you’re convinced that trans people are not who they say they are, and that only they and not anyone else, are deceiver and RAPISTS for not disclosing their full medical history, then no you don’t get to claim that you accept them.

        If someone has such a problem with transgender folks that they would feel raped or violated, as with any other *special case* like the examples I gave, they should let their partners know. Like I said, it takes two to tango.

        You’re singling out transgender as a special case where *they are the problem* so the onus is on them, because you believe they’re not who they say they are. You already said a trans woman is “really” a man. That line of thinking is the root of all abuse against them, and it’s a dangerous preconception (and misconception). People don’t become deceivers by being authentic to their identities, just because *other people* have a problem with them.

        I invite you to read again what I already said about it, with an open mind. Don’t look for one sentence to pick apart like you did. You are smart enough to know that’s disingenuous.

        Take it in, and consider carefully. Or, fold your arms and shake your head, and call it balderdash, stay stuck in your preconceptions, and perpetuate harm by singling out trans people as is the fashion these days in North Carolina, Mississippi, Kansas, et al.


        1. Jessica-

          It’s not just a good idea to disclose…… failure to do so infringes on the other person’s rights to sexual autonomy. The other person has rights too! You don’t seem to get it!

          Trans people are fortunate that they live at a time when modern medicine can provide them with the appearance they want…. but they still can’t turn a man into a woman. They can only make a man LOOK like a woman. Or make a woman look like a man. Come back and talk to me about their becoming a woman when they can give birth.

          Trans people are not changing their sex. They are simply changing their appearance. And if that’s what they want, they are entitled to do so.

          But they are not entitled to pretend to a sex partner that they are a different sex than what they were born with.

          If it’s ok with their partner, more power to them. But treachery and deceit are not ok when you have sex with someone. It’s not okay for anyone, trans or not!

          NO deceit…. nada…. not for any gender, not for age, not for marital status ….. not for anything. Don’t lie to get laid!

          Don’t impose your desires on someone else through the use of . treachery. Treachery invalidates consent.

          I’m not singling out trans people. That’s just plain hooey. Every person has the obligation to be truthful to their mate about their identity characteristics.


          1. So you just resolutely don’t believe trans people’s identities are valid or that they are who they say they are, and steadfastly refuse to address anything else I said or any other point I made. Okay. We can only repeat ourselves so many times, I already made my points clearly (I thought). There’s no debate when one side is disingenuous.

            I sincelery wish you the best in the crusade against rape by fraud, and I’ll hold out hope that someday your understanding of trans people’s issues evolves.

            And your basic understanding that not all women can give birth (and they don’t become rapists by not disclosing that fact before sex, even though the ability to conceive is something some people feel very strongly about), and women’s rights are not contingent on their capacity to breed.

            I’ll hold out hope, but I definitely won’t be holding my breath.


  2. Alex,

    Too often, people simply have no respect for the feelings of others.

    A transgender male lacks the anatomy to give birth. While they have the outward appearance of a woman, they are truly not a woman.

    While society should accept and respect that they feel more comfortable living this way, than remaining with the anatomy they were born with, undergoing a modern medical marvel does not give them the right to deceive when sexual intimacy is taking place. Their sexual partner may not want their genitals touched by a male. And that’s their right.

    I truly hope Ms. Jenner weighs-in on this subject!


    1. In the UK, transgenders are required to disclose to their spouse that they are transgender. There should be comparable laws in the US and worldwide. The trans lobby opposes such laws on the grounds that it violates their privacy. That is nonsense. There is nothing private about one’s gender. Certainly, a person has a right to know their spouse’s gender. That’s a no-brainer if there ever was one. It is complete narcissism to believe that others should be forced to accept the adopted gender. Marriage by deceit is betrayal of the worst kind. The proper thing to do would be to disclose the truth immediately upon meeting a potential mate. If the other person is all right with it, then it’s no problem. If he’s not all right with it, then he’ll leave. But either way, it’s not a problem. Why would they not disclose? It’s in the best interests of all parties involved to disclose immediately.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. People mislead others because they are selfish. They lack the emotional empathy to see how their distortions rob the person of self-determination over their reproductive organs. It’s that simple.

        Whether a big lie… I’m a woman when you’re really a man, or a little lie, I’m 33 when you’re really 42, they are both designed to do exactly the same thing…. deprive the person of “consent.”

        It’s one thing to try to attract a person by lying. It’s quite another to actually manipulate their way to a person’s genitals.


  3. Thanks for the article, Joyce. This is something that will have to be dealt with eventually.

    Based on the only survey I’ve seen, there are about 2 million people worldwide who are married to, or dating a transgender and they don’t know it. It is deplorable for it to happen once. God only knows how many people have had sex with a trans person and they don’t know it. That is clearly rape, because it is not consensual.

    If Jenner is a spokesperson for the transgender community, then he should be the most outspoken advocate of mandatory disclosure laws. To say nothing is to condone rape. Even without such laws in place, there should be a code of ethics among the trans community that disclosure should be immediate if there is the slightest chance of a romantic or sexual encounter.

    It’s an ugly subject, but one that must be addressed. President Obama has been completely supportive of transgenders, but he has never mentioned anything about disclosure. I would like to know where he stands on this issue. – Alex


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