All posts by Joyce M. Short

Nobody in their right mind sets out to fall in love with a sexual predator. When I met a man who lied to me about his every conceivable identity characteristic in order to attract me, I was as capable and intelligent as most twenty-somethings get. It took years to unravel the mess he'd made of my life. And I wouldn't want that hardship visited on another human soul. I've learned a great deal about what motivates people to be kind or cruel. Through many years of struggle, I finally figured out what I needed to know in order to heal myself from the defiling effects of rape by fraud. I determined to pass that knowledge along for others who were victimized as I had been. I also discovered the weakness in present-day criminal code that enables sexual assault by fraud to continue unabated. I hope to make an impact on society's recognition, and to implement changes in rape laws in order to penalizes offenders, and deter them from carrying out their heinous behavior. I'm no one special.... just a reasonably intelligent person who cares. I grew up all along the East coast, from Massachusetts to Georgia, and settled in NYC more than forty years ago. I work as a real estate broker and I run a free tennis program for the children in my community. I've done so for over twenty-five years. It's truly a labor of love. While my ex undermined my ability to have a loving family, I've found love in the many friendships I enjoy and derive great satisfaction from my efforts to instill character in the children whose lives I've touched on the tennis court. I'm a dog lover and I’ve trained my pet Aussie, Argos, to play a match against the wall. I hit, he catches. He usually wins. Please pardon the pun…. He’s doggedly determined! But if we were in a group who were divvying up teams for a doubles match, you'd probably want me on your side. I'm strong, I'm resilient....I'm a survivor!

#MeToo- Break your silence! Opportunity knocks!


Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo twitter concept is brilliant! Now lets give it a boost by describing the nightmare you survived! Here are the parameters….

If you were harmed by a sexual predator… please tell your story in the comments section! Let the world understand the pain you’ve suffered and how these dregs of society operate!

If they were charged with a crime, or if a judgement was issued against them, including a judgement for monetary damages in a civil action…. post it, AND their name, loud and clear. If there is no “public record” of their behavior, please post your story but keep their name to yourself. If you ultimately bring action against them, or find out that someone else has succeeded in doing so, come back and tell me. I will display their name and the judgement against them on this site.

We do not have criminal laws across the nation that prevent sexual assault. And we do not have a police force that even cares whether people are victimized. They only recognize sexual assaults that involve violence by a stranger. If you read my post on Commander Rose of the 94th Precinct,

NYPD Captain, Peter Rose
you’ll see those words coming directly out of his mouth. The police do not comprehend how devastating it is to be harmed by someone you trusted like a boss, a family member, your date, etc. They do not get the double-whammy that mauls your psyche when you are defiled by someone you know!

Here’s the thing…. I don’t want anyone charged with defamation. Predators do not want the world to know and will do what they can to silence you. Once a judgement is made, their information is public record and can be disclosed. They cannot prevent the public display of public information.

Until we get real and significant laws to stop sexual predators, you can still seek justice! Many of you needed to secure therapy in order to overcome the harm they committed against you. The cost of that therapy should not come out of YOUR pocket. Others were not only hoodwinked into sex, but also into monetary losses. Use small claims court or pro se court to recover your losses. Once you have that judgement, we can post it here so the world will know.

Don’t let someone who harmed you get away “Scott free.” They will keep on harming more and more victims! Exposure can put the brakes on their behavior!

And if you haven’t done so already, get your copy of “Combating Romance Scams, Why Lying to Get Laid Is a Crime!” and demand that your legislators read it and enact laws that wake up society to what consent really is, “Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement.” Anything less than that, to conduct sex, is rape!

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Invalidation and Shame in Sex Crimes! Laurie’s Tale

When the cause of pain is a sex crime, victims are frequently invalidated by people they count on for support! Reaching out for help can make the victim feel like they’re choking on the turmoil they lived through! Having to justify painful feelings while being discredited heaps pain on top of pain and can cause deep depression! When the weapon that undermined their sexual consent was fraud, invalidation by family and friends is all too typical and common.

A woman I’ll call Laurie contacted me recently for help. She’d been violated by a sexual sadist who got off on hurting her during sex. He’d built up her image of a lasting, loving Continue reading Invalidation and Shame in Sex Crimes! Laurie’s Tale

Victim or villain? Transgender Deceit!

Sexual defilement shakes a person at their very core! It can drive a person to commit suicide or murder!

I was contacted this week by the mother of a man who killed a transgender woman. I’m not being specific because this case and efforts to mitigate her son’s sentence are in the works. I would not want anything coming out of my mouth or from my pen to do any harm to this case.

Because many transgenders think their sex shouldn’t matter in sex…….. (please explain that absurdity to me!!) society seems to be  Continue reading Victim or villain? Transgender Deceit!

Little Wonder Police Rarely Charge for Sexual Assault!

Lehav 433 Major General Roni Rittman

The right to sexually exploit another human being seems perfectly natural to much of society…. even the police! And even people at the very top of the police force can be the culprits!

Isreal’s Police Maj. General Roni Rittman, who currently heads the corruption probes underway against Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, was charged with kissing a female officer without her Continue reading Little Wonder Police Rarely Charge for Sexual Assault!

Gayle Newland- Why sentencing is so important!

Gayle Newland- found guilty of Sexual Assault by Penetration

In Manchester, UK, according to the Guardian, Gayle Newland will hear her fate, for a second time, on July 20th. She posed as a man, Kye Fortune, to seduce a woman through an on-line scam. Ironically, she was also friends with the woman, who knew her as a female, not as her male alter-ego. A second jury returned a guilty verdict on June 29th. 

Continue reading Gayle Newland- Why sentencing is so important!

Does Cosby’s Big Plan Prove He’s a Narcissist?

Poor, poor Bill!

.After all those years of fooling society into thinking he was the perfect father image, allegedly the perfect cover for conducting sexual assault, his cover’s been blown. And like a true Narcissist, he can’t leave well enough alone. He has to be the grand leader…. hence, he’s grandstanding in a new venue: Town Halls. 

Continue reading Does Cosby’s Big Plan Prove He’s a Narcissist?

To All the Single Moms Who Are Also Dads- #HappyFathersDay!

The structure, the nurture, the pain and the joys,

Supporting the growth for our girls and our boys.

Relentless the effort keeping danger at bay,

Sleepless nights, cherished days, they’ve all landed our way.

 

We struggle, we achieve, and yes, sometimes we fail,

In the eyes of our children, who expect a smooth sail.

But we pray that they’ll notice, we have given them our all,

Building character, instilling love….. enabling them to stand tall.

On this day of thanking fathers, congratulations for all you do!

The mothers who are fathers deserve heartfelt recognition too! 

Kentucky: The Grass Is Not All That’s Blue!

Kentucky Derby

I received the following message from a very intelligent Blue Grass State resident (with a PhD.) We’ll call her Pamela.  She discovered she was hitched to a narcissist after a 40 year marriage that produced four children.

People often ask me how long a narcissist can keep up their charade. Continue reading Kentucky: The Grass Is Not All That’s Blue!

Drop the shame- Provide the tools! Why Sex Education’s Latest Trend Will Fail!

Shaming rarely dents behavior. It simply makes people feel lousy about what they’ve done. Yet a new stylized term for shaming, “sexual risk avoidance,” seems to be gaining prominence when it comes to sex education in the nation’s schools.

In Abstinence Only Rebranded, Amanda Marcotte of Salon makes a cogent argument against this failed Bush-era sex-education Continue reading Drop the shame- Provide the tools! Why Sex Education’s Latest Trend Will Fail!

Good News/Bad News: New Rape Bill in MA

Massachusetts Representative, Kate Hogan

Middlesex Rep. Kate Hogan submitted a new sexual assault by fraud bill to the MA House of Representative in January. The House floor debate takes place this Fall. Continue reading Good News/Bad News: New Rape Bill in MA

Convicted! Mario Antoine- Sex Scammer!

Mario Antoine- locked up for 10 years!

On Friday, 5/12/17, in Kansas City MO, Mario  Antoine, sex scammer, pleaded guilty. Both his and the federal attorney agreed to a sentence of 10 years, as he pleaded guilty to wire fraud and avoided up to 60 years confinement on all charges.

Antoine induced women into sex by claiming to audition them as porn stars. Although he’d admitted to victimizing 10 or more Continue reading Convicted! Mario Antoine- Sex Scammer!

Not Just Another Sexual Assault Statistic!

This heartfelt letter was sent to me from a woman who’d like to remain anonymous. She correctly refers to herself as “Not Just Another Statistic!” 

“I was triggered reading an article and I’m pretty numb.

I don’t know…. all this time I wanted to make myself feel in the wrong, nasty, disgusting because of what happened. And then I Continue reading Not Just Another Sexual Assault Statistic!

#Stealthing Lacks Consent!

Recent news coverage casts a huge light on “Stealthing;” stripping off the condom during intercourse, without the partner’s consent.

From the Huffington Post to Fox News and beyond, articles are popping up across the media landscape, and all exemplify why broadcasting the actual meaning of  “consent” is so vital!  Continue reading #Stealthing Lacks Consent!

New Light Shines on Cause of BPD!

At last, a study identifying the genetics of Borderline Personality Disorder!

Borderline Personality Disorder is now estimated to be  more  prevalent in society than Bipolar Disorder or Schizophrenia. It’s attributed to 2% of the population.

Society needs to understand the prevalence of this and other character disorders, and that the root cause is genetics. We can’t fix them, but there are treatments for BPD that will enable them to “fix” themselves.

Until the science of nuero-psychology began, such as back in Freud’s time, the only plausible explanation was the impact of the parent on the child. Today, we’re beginning to know better. And thank God! Parents who lovingly nurtured their horribly disturbed children were often fingered as the cause. They lived under a cloud of shame.

Children with Borderline Personality Disorder are extremely difficult to raise. They’re identified as “conduct disordered” while under 18. Mental Health professionals fail to address their issues in a meaningful way that helps the parent cope and addresses the growing manipulative character of the child. They incite, enrage, distort, bully and blame. It feels like the child you adore, who you’d lay down your life for, sees you as the enemy because you’re responsible for curbing their outrageous behavior and attempting to encourage them to become caring and concerned beings. There is no escape from the child who behaves like an enemy in your midst.

Hopefully, there will be more recognition of the anguish the parent experiences in raising a BPD child, and that someone will develop treatment protocols to mend the family.

 

 

 

A Dozen Tips for Court Prep Against a Narcissist

In courtrooms- narcissists blur the lines between cause and effect!

In any court of law, proof, not truth, is the deciding factor. But when dealing with narcissists and other character disordered offenders, both truth and proof fly out the window.

As we live our lives, we rarely journal each and every daily event. Without concrete evidence of who threw the first punch. – “Was the person the aggressor or simply defending against one?” –  it’s hard to prove. And in matters of emotional abuse, where no bruises or scars can help tell the story, the complexity of the problem is intensified. Continue reading A Dozen Tips for Court Prep Against a Narcissist

The Wealth Manager Romance Scam- Lessons Learned

We think of Wealth Managers as highly educated, intelligent people. But that preconceived image helps unethical con artists carry out apalling harm!

The “Wealth Manager Scam” is one of the most potent of all extortions taking place through on-line dating! Offenders stir the romantic brain chemistry of their victims with flowers, affection, and talk of love, while plying them for details about their investments. Continue reading The Wealth Manager Romance Scam- Lessons Learned

Support CA Rape Survivors Bill Today!

Update-

Congratulations to the residents and legislators of California! This bill was approved yesterday. BTW- Yesterday, when I spoke to someone in the office of Asm. Reggie Jones-Sawyer, she told me the phones have been ringing off the hook! Good work everyone!

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Tomorrow, March 29th, the California Legislature will vote on the “Rape Survivor’s Civil Rights Bill,” AB1312, introduced by Assembly Members Gonzalez, Fletcher and Berman.

Continue reading Support CA Rape Survivors Bill Today!

Bullying Tactics- How Trump Operates!

In the classic move of a Narcissist, Trump stomps his feet and threatens to take his ball home. If he can’t be the pitcher, no one will play! What’s best for the team has nothing to do with his self-centered demand. Continue reading Bullying Tactics- How Trump Operates!

The 3 Primary Motives Behind Romance Scams, and why it’s so hard to get justice

The FBI tells us that Romance Scams are the most common form of fraud in today’s society. And I don’t use the word “fraud” loosely. As most of you who’ve read my material know, lies only constitute a crime when the victim suffers harm. ‘Til then, lies are just lies.

When the offender crosses that line in the sand that constitutes injury to the other party, they are actually committing a crime. Their Continue reading The 3 Primary Motives Behind Romance Scams, and why it’s so hard to get justice