Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo twitter concept is brilliant! Now lets give it a boost by describing the nightmare you survived! Here are the parameters….
If you were harmed by a sexual predator… please tell your story in the comments section! Let the world understand the pain you’ve suffered and how these dregs of society operate!
If they were charged with a crime, or if a judgement was issued against them, including a judgement for monetary damages in a civil action…. post it, AND their name, loud and clear. If there is no “public record” of their behavior, please post your story but keep their name to yourself. If you ultimately bring action against them, or find out that someone else has succeeded in doing so, come back and tell me. I will display their name and the judgement against them on this site.
We do not have criminal laws across the nation that prevent sexual assault. And we do not have a police force that even cares whether people are victimized. They only recognize sexual assaults that involve violence by a stranger. If you read my post on Commander Rose of the 94th Precinct, you’ll see those words coming directly out of his mouth. The police do not comprehend how devastating it is to be harmed by someone you trusted like a boss, a family member, your date, etc. They do not get the double-whammy that mauls your psyche when you are defiled by someone you know!
Here’s the thing…. I don’t want anyone charged with defamation. Predators do not want the world to know and will do what they can to silence you. Once a judgement is made, their information is public record and can be disclosed. They cannot prevent the public display of public information.
Until we get real and significant laws to stop sexual predators, you can still seek justice! Many of you needed to secure therapy in order to overcome the harm they committed against you. The cost of that therapy should not come out of YOUR pocket. Others were not only hoodwinked into sex, but also into monetary losses. Use small claims court or pro se court to recover your losses. Once you have that judgement, we can post it here so the world will know.
Don’t let someone who harmed you get away “Scott free.” They will keep on harming more and more victims! Exposure can put the brakes on their behavior!
And if you haven’t done so already, get your copy of “Combating Romance Scams, Why Lying to Get Laid Is a Crime!” and demand that your legislators read it and enact laws that wake up society to what consent really is, “Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement.” Anything less than that, to conduct sex, is rape!
When the cause of pain is a sex crime, victims are frequently invalidated by people they count on for support! Reaching out for help can make the victim feel like they’re choking on the turmoil they lived through! Having to justify painful feelings while being discredited heaps pain on top of pain and can cause deep depression! When the weapon that undermined their sexual consent was fraud, invalidation by family and friends is all too typical and common.
Sexual defilement shakes a person at their very core! It can drive a person to commit suicide or murder!
I was contacted this week by the mother of a man who killed a transgender woman. I’m not being specific because this case and efforts to mitigate her son’s sentence are in the works. I would not want anything coming out of my mouth or from my pen to do any harm to this case.
In Manchester, UK, according to the Guardian,Gayle Newland will hear her fate, for a second time, on July 20th. She posed as a man, Kye Fortune, to seduce a woman through an on-line scam. Ironically, she was also friends with the woman, who knew her as a female, not as her male alter-ego. A second jury returned a guilty verdict on June 29th.
Congratulations to the residents and legislators of California! This bill was approved yesterday. BTW- Yesterday, when I spoke to someone in the office of Asm. Reggie Jones-Sawyer, she told me the phones have been ringing off the hook! Good work everyone!
Tomorrow, March 29th, the California Legislature will vote on the “Rape Survivor’s Civil Rights Bill,” AB1312, introduced by Assembly Members Gonzalez, Fletcher and Berman.
Every time a woman who was raped, and knows of Trump’s abuse of women, sees or hears Donald Trump, they cringe from the feeling that their defilement is of no importance to society. Their only saving grace is that the majority of Americans did not support that grossly indecent man.
How to get past the reminder?
“It’s not the majority” has become the mantra that enables me to get past those reminders that cut deeply into my psyche. And it makes me doubly determined to wake society up to the real meaning of rape!
Ivanna exemplifies misconceptions about rape
Certainly, his wife, Ivanna, didn’t know. She testified under oath that he raped her. But once she’d secured a $15MM settlement to shut her mouth, she claimed “Oh, but it wasn’t “criminal” rape.” She’s not an attorney. She’s not the police. She’s neither the judge nor the jury. She’s the victim whose silence was bought off by a shameless, wealthy man.
Is there such a thing as non-criminal rape?
Every form of rape is CRIMINAL! That includes spousal rape! Whenever consent is lacking in sex, it’s rape, plain and simple! And even the criminal code in NY State, where Ivanna was raped, recognizes that spousal rape is rape, under the law!
If we have learned anything from Trump’s eery, and probably illegitimate, rise to authority, it’s that we must put an end to rape culture in society and expose what rape actually is….. NON-CONSENSUAL SEX! And it does not matter how non-consensual sex takes place….
Whether consent was undermined by:
RAPE IS RAPE!
Please join The FORSSC today: The Fight to Outlaw Rape and Sex Scam Crimes! Help curb rape near you and around the world!
I just received an important notice from the NYC chapter of NOW.
The cause of NOW’s outrage is the statements made by Commanding Officer, Captain Peter Rose when explaining why only 2 out of 13 recent rape cases were solved. He said: “Some of them were Tinder, some of them were hook-up sites, some of them were actually co-workers. It’s not a trend that we’re too worried about because out of 13, only two were true stranger rapes” Continue reading #NOW Is Outraged at the NYPD!” #TakeRapeSeriously!”→
California Judge Aaron Persky, the misogynist dinosaur who let rapist Brock Turner off with a short six month sentence, has volunteered to move from criminal to civil court. Doing so will not assure that he will remain in civil court for the rest of his career. He could request to return at any time.
Bad judgement is bad judgment no matter where a case is tried. Brock Turner’s case, or a case of sexual assault against anyone else, could be tried as a civil matter. And civil trials are often settled because of judicial pressure or litigated without a jury. Can you hear his instructions to opposing counsel? “I expect you to settle this matter because how much do you think I’ll award your client for 20 minutes of action?”
Persky has no concept of violation. Civil victims are as entitled to justice as cases that appear in criminal court. And Persky has demonstrated that he simply does not relate to the harm committed against victims. He should be stripped of his judicial role, not parked in a different court where he can hand out inappropriate damages!
Mankind’s most basic function is procreation. And the attraction that stimulates our romantic brain chemistry in order for us to mate can begin with the slightest interaction between two people. Our perceptions and impressions of a person can be shaped by fact or fiction, but it all feels the same in the mind of the believer. We’re built to bond and fall in love. Continue reading Don’t Lie to Get Laid! Happy Truth in Romance Day!→
Happy healing and happy Truth in Romance Day to all!
Undue pressure is counterproductive to healing!
Understand that healing Is NOT a return to your former self! Every experience we encounter enables us to grow.
Often people who have been damaged believe the end goal is to wash away all remembrance of pain and return to the person they once were, but there is no going back. The expectation of recovering your former self can serve to depress you because it is an unobtainable goal and will be a constant disappointment. Once you can take strength from having lived through your ordeal, you’re on your way toward recovery.
Time and distance will ease your pain. And if you can grieve the loss of your innocence, the loss of the person you were, you can put it behind you. You are wiser now. Employ that wisdom to keep yourself safe from predators in the future.
You will often hear the concept of “forgiveness” used as a means to overcome the effects of wrongdoing. Forgiveness does not mean having to forget what happened or excuse it. Rather, it means accepting that it happened to you. A morally disordered person will not care in the least whether you forgive them or not, so don’t forgive them for their sake, forgive them for yours.
We often keep anger close to our hearts when we have suffered gross injustice. Doing so erodes our own sense of well-being by focusing us on pain and creating hyper-vigilance. We need to refocus ourselves on the good things in our lives in order to make room for joy to find its way back in. It is difficult to put anger aside. It takes considerable practice, but it gets easier in time as life takes on new meanings and the episode you survived fades into your past.
The entire Dust-Off! plan for recovery is included in Carnal Abuse by Deceit. Click the title to purchase your copy.
Happy healing and happy Truth in Romance Day to all!
Here’s step one…….
Don’t Shame or Blame Yourself!
Predators excel at making victims feel responsible for their harmful behavior. Don’t! No one has the right to expect you to be perfect, not even you. No one has the right to harm you either emotionally or physically for your imperfections or for any other reason.
Be alert to gas-lighting which is a manipulative and common ploy of predators. They will deliberately upset you, then fault you for being upset. Their intent is to make you doubt yourself or to put your “upset” reaction under a microscope for others to observe, out of context. A predator can depress you to the extent that you begin to doubt your sanity, and cause others to do so as well.
Recognize that you were in the wrong place at the wrong time when you happened into their space. They’ve made you wiser to the concept that fundamentally cruel people actually exist. You will not be as naïve and easy to snare the next time you enter a predator’s lair.
Forgive yourself. You didn’t know they were lying when you fell in love with them. No one lies by accident. They deliberately set out to fool you. Do not let their immorality strip you of your self-worth.
Write a letter to yourself reminding you of all your lovable and virtuous characteristics.
Store your letter where it’s easily accessible.
Read that letter at least three times each day for one week.
For the following month, before you dress each day and before you go to sleep each night, read it again.
Hang onto the letter and go back to it whenever an encounter makes you doubt yourself.
The entire Dust-Off! plan for recovery is included in Carnal Abuse by Deceit. Click the title to purchase your copy.
In three separate studies, one in the Midwest, one in CA and one in Canada, separated by 30 years, men were asked, “If you could force a woman to have sex with you, and you knew you wouldn’t get caught, would you do it.?” Consistently, over 30% of the participants said “Yes.” Then they were asked, “If you could rape a woman, knowing you could get away with it, would you do it?” The number of “Yes” responses dropped to approximately 13%. Obviously, 17% of the participants had no idea they were simply being asked the same question using different wording.
Why so many words for “rape?”
Today, states have adopted a variety of words for “rape” in order to get the defilement of non-consensual sex across to their populations…. sexual assault, sexual battery, sexual misconduct, etc. They seem to be throwing the baby out with the bath water; however, because the public doesn’t grasp that it’s all the same horrid defilement of sexual sanctity….. just using different words. I even saw a recent argument that Brock Turner didn’t rape the woman, he “only” sexually assaulted her….. so his punishment shouldn’t be so harsh!
Consent. Do we really need to say more?
The principle premise for all sex crimes, no matter what you call them, is lack of consent. And a great many folks don’t really know what “consent” means. It doesn’t mean that you nodded your head and said “yes” when someone tricked you into doing so. Nor does it mean that you didn’t object because you were too incapacitated at the time, or froze because you were terrorized.
Most folks, including legislators and police officers don’t clearly understand that there’s a cavernous gap between “assenting” and “consenting” to sex. When you nod you head, “yes,” if the person has tricked you, drugged you, intoxicated you, or pursued sex with you upon finding you in those conditions – or unconscious – they know full well that you’re not “consenting” to sex.
Violence is an aggressive, aggravated form of rape, which deserves the utmost penalty. But there are quiet, insidious, covert forms of rape as well. All should be punished. Consent means that you are fully knowledgeable, informed and voluntarily cooperating. Model Penal Code distinctly tells us that consent that is “tricked” from us is not “voluntary.” Any sex act performed without consent is a crime.
Not all sex crimes can be prosecuted; not because they didn’t happen, but because there is insufficient proof for a conviction. But whether there is or is not a sufficient body of proof to try the case, the offender committed a criminal act and knows that they did so. Our penal codes in every state should be consistent in dealing with and prosecuting sexual defilement.
Nazi Germany and Consent
The Nuremberg Trials from World War II gave us a clear understanding of what “consent” truly means. I have included the explanation in (soon-to-be-released) Don’t Swallow That Catfish Hook. What follows is how “consent” should be explained by the penal codes of every state. This explanation has been adapted directly from the Nuremberg Code appearing in Federal regulation that was established due to medical experiments conducted on concentration camp prisoners. It guides our knowledge of both “assent” and “consent” today.
Assent – Superficial agreement which is given “on the face of it.” Assent provides acquiescence and compliance, but lacks the characteristics of being informed and knowledgeable about the action taking place. Example:, a child who is not yet the age of “reason” can only provide “assent,” but their parents are required to provide “consent” on their behalf. Consent – A person providing consent must have legal capacity to give consent; should be so situated as to be able to exercise free power of choice without the intervention of any element of force, fraud, deceit, duress, over-reaching, or other ulterior form of constraint or coercion; and should have sufficient knowledge and comprehension of the sexual partner and action taking place to enable her or him to make an understood and enlightened decision.
Brock Turner’s father showed us exactly why Brock Turner is a sex offender!
Dan Turner, Brock’s father, never taught his son the defilement of rape because he failed to understand it himself. He wrote to the judge to request leniency for his son who was convicted of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman.
His minimization of the harm the victim endured in his statement that his son shouldn’t have to go to prison “for 20 minutes of action,” reflects a grossly flawed misconception about the impacts of violating a person’s sexual sanctity.
He also stated: “He has no prior criminal history and has never been violent to anyone including his actions on the night of Jan 17th 2015.” Somehow, in Mr. Turner’s eyes, violence is the only harm one person can inflict on another. Defiling a person by touching their genitals without their permission is inconsequential to him. I wonder what he’d say if this happened to his daughter.
An absurd statement also came from Brock Turner’s long-time friend, Leslie Rasmussen, drummer for the band, Good English. “Rape on campus isn’t always because people are rapists,” she said. She expressed concern that alcohol changed people’s behaviors and made them do things they otherwise would not do. Perhaps Brock Turner’s case can serve as a warning to college students who think drinking and partying are benign behaviors…. just fun and “normal” entertainment.
When it comes to sex, every human being on the planet is responsible to only engage with people they haven’t tricked, overwhelmed, or taken advantage of. What is so hard to understand about that? People who do so are, in fact, rapists. A person’s life can change in an instant when they lose control of themselves and harm others while in that condition. That’s why drunks who kill people in DUIs go to jail. People who rape in that condition should go to jail as well.
For further details about the law that should be enacted in every state to properly identify the difference between “assenting” and “consenting” to sex, be sure to read Don’t Swallow That Catfish Hook when it’s released in July. Register for your copy by clicking this link. There’s no obligation and you may actually win a FREE Kindle Fire by doing so!
So what’s wrong with electing Trump?I engaged in an interesting discussion on Salon this past Tuesday. Paul Campos wrote an insightful article. He said that Drumpf claimed (bragged) he’d negotiate with US creditors to accept less payment than what we’re obligated to pay. For Trump, that’s just business as usual.Some of the comments he received from Trump’s supporters showed absolute ignorance over how global debt actually works. Trump’s policy would be disastrous for the world’s economy. I wrote an explanation and got the following message from a reader:
My son was six years old and attending a private school on the Upper Westside in NYC. His teacher had arranged a little party for the class at lunchtime, and I’d offered to bring cupcakes. They were a mixture of chocolate and vanilla with bright orange butter frosting. I recall every detail because of what happened to me on the way there. Continue reading Is rape by fraud an insult to “real” rape victims?→
I’d love to hear Olympic Gold Medalist Caitlyn Jenner’s take on transgender disclosure to sexual partners. Due to all the press she’s received, it’s unlikely that a person she engages in sex with would be unaware of her gender of origin. None-the-less, by her publicly supporting disclosure, she could help minimize the fear that “transgendering” creates for society.